From kids and for kids

  • Why did the shoe cry? Because he bit his tongue!
  • What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
  • Why was 6 afraid of 7? 'cause 7 '8' nine!
  • Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he didn't have the guts.!
  • What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh!
  • There was a boy who went to see santa and asked him for a present. Santa said first you have to tell me how many d's there are in Rudolf. Come back tomorrow and tell me. The boy came back tomorrow and said there was 90 d's in Rudolf. Santa said how do you get that many d's? The boy goes dee dee dee, dee dee dee ...
  • "Why did I hit my thumb with the hammer?" "Because I aimed at the nail!"
  • "Do you believe in using cards to tell the future? "Yes, I can take one look at my report card and know what my father will do when I get home."!
  • Why don't Canibals eat Clowns? Because they taste funny
  • Question: What sounds like "Thump Thump Thump Squish, Thump Thump Thump Squish, Thump Thump Thump Squish, ..."? - An elephant wearing a wet tennis shoe.
  • How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
  • Did you know that the Lone Ranger was an enventer of modern technology? On long rides he liked to read books, but it was too dark.....so he made the "saddlelight".

    Good advise

  • You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.
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    Dogs

  • It's raining cats and dogs outside. I just stepped into a poodle.
  • My dog knows to count. When I ask him what 7 minus 7 is, he says nothing.
  • I found an excellent way to get my son up in the morning. I just throw the cat on the bed. He sleeps with the dog.
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    Why...?

  • Why do elephants never get reach? They work for peanuts.
  • Why did the tiny ghost join the football team? Because he heard they needed a little team spirit.
  • Why shouldn't you ever give your heart to a tennis player? Because to him, love means nothing.
  • Why are sardines such silly fish? Because they crawl into a can, lock themselves in, and leave the key outside.
  • Why did the English Prime Minister arrange a meeting with a carpenter? Because he wanted to replace his Cabinet.
  • Why did the leopard refuse to bathe in the dishwasher detergent? Because he didn't want to come out spotless.
  • Why did the traffic light turn red? If you had to change in front of all those people, you'd turn red too.
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    What did they say?

  • What did the the jack say to the car? Can I give you a lift?
  • What did the moon-boy say to the moon-girl? Isn't this romantic? There is a full earth out tonight.
  • What did the chocolate bar say to the lollipop? Hello, sucker.
  • What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off, you are bugging me.
  • What did one eye say to the other? There is something between us that smells.
  • What did the anciant Egyptian priest say as he finished bandaging the mummy? Well, that about wraps it up.
  • What did the clothesline say to the wet wash? Why don't you hang around here for a while?
  • What did one mountain say to the other mountain? Let's meet in the valley.

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