Funny Signs

                                 Strange Signs
   The following are actual signs seen across the good ol' U.S.A.
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   At gas eterias through the nation: Eat here and get gas.
     
   At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass 
   container.
     
   In a New Hampshire jewelry store: Ears pierced while you wait.
     
   In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses 
   uncivil ought to see the manager.
     
   On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to 
   the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy
     
   On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same 
   spot.
     
   In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but 
   Sunday.
     
   On a movie theater: Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted 
   unless with child.
     
   In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
     
   In a New York drugstore: We dispense with accuracy
     
   On a New Hampshire medical building: Martin Diabetes Professional Ass.
     
   In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your 
   home.
     
   In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center
     
   In a toy department: Five Santa Clauses -- No waiting!
     
   On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the 
   Episcopal Church.
     
   On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest 
   possible prices and workmanship.
     
   At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
     
   On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards: Now available in 
   multi-packs.
     
   In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let 
   our washing machine do the dirty work.
     
   In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
     
   In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
     
   In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits, 
   $10. They won't last an hour!
     
   On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced
     
   Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
     
   On a Pennsylvania highway: Drive carefully. Auto accidents kill most 
   people 15 to 19.
     
   In downtown Boston: Calahan Tunnel -- No end
     
   In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when 
   you can come here?
     
   In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
     
   In a New Jersey restaurant: Open 11 AM to 11 PM midnight.
     
   In front of a New Hampshire restaurant: Now serving live lobsters.
     
   On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak.
     
   On a movie marquee: Now playing: ADAM AND EVE with a cast of 
   thousands!
     
   In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave 
   please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
     
   In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking 
   flowers from any but their own graves.
     
   On a roller coaster: Watch your head.
     
   On the grounds of a public school: No tresspassing without permission.
     
   In a library: Blotter paper will no longer be available until the 
   public stops taking it away.
     
   On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is 
   impassable.
     
   Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read 
   this, it's time to wash your car.
     
     And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise 
     untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says "Do not throw 
     stones at this sign."